Losing my Religion" by REM
by vanilla-chk
Summary: Set to the song by REM, this is a short, angsty songfic that takes place in the Gryffindor common room after GoF. Harry's thoughts and worries revealed, this is about his feelings and paranoia about Voldemort and his friend's lives.


Yes! A songfic! Nobody ever writes these! *dry chuckle of sarcasm*  
  
Disclaimer: Not only do I own Harry Potter, but all of REM's lyrics. Ha, yeah right.  
  
These are the exact lyrics of the song "Losing my Religion" by REM. Weird how they fit so well, huh? ¤*~  
  
He walked across the sparsely populated Common Room and sat in a quiet corner, far from the fireplace. He needed to wrench himself away from people's prying eyes and the ever present "Are you okay?". Nobody could understand. Nobody had done the things he'd done, seen the things he'd seen. Everything was different now. Voldemort was alive. He wasn't just some powerless floating spirit. And it was all because of Harry. Because he had to be fair and offer to share the cup with Cedric. Why hadn't he just taken it himself? Cedric would be alive now. He didn't deserve to die.  
  
Life is bigger  
  
It's bigger than you  
  
And you are not me  
  
The lengths that I will go to  
  
The distance in your eyes  
  
Oh no I've said too much  
  
I set it up  
  
Harry sighed and brushed back a thick lock of hair. 'I set it up,' he thought. 'I set up the entire thing. If my name had never been put in that cup, if I had never completed those tasks, if I had never shared the stupid trophy, much less touched it in the first place, everything would be different now. Cedric would still be alive, and Voldemort would still be some randomly floating spirit.'  
  
That's me in the corner  
  
That's me in the spotlight  
  
Losing my religion  
  
Trying to keep up with you  
  
And I don't know if I can do it  
  
Oh no I've said too much  
  
I haven't said enough  
  
In the spotlight. He was always in the spotlight, as if he was some hero. He couldn't help defeating the Dark Lord in the first place. He was only a baby. He had no idea what was going on. Hell, he probably thought Voldemort was just some happy clown flashing a green light. 'And I can't talk to anybody about it,' he thought. 'They never hear me through. Halfway through the tale they start with the "Ooh, you poor thing" and the "You're a hero!". God, I hate that. They don't even listen after they say that, either. They just zone off about how wonderful I am. Don't they realize they're complimenting a murderer? Do they forget that I set up Cedric's death?'  
  
I thought that I heard you laughing  
  
I thought that I heard you sing  
  
I think I thought I saw you try  
  
He was alive now. He could be anywhere. Behind that tree, around the corner, hiding in the shadows- 'It would be so easy for him to kill me,' thought Harry anxiously, 'He doesn't even need magic. I'm only fifteen, and if a grown man chose to beat on me I'd stand no chance.' Harry felt like he heard him everywhere now. It was like in Harry's second year when he kept hearing the basilisk threaten him. But this time it was probably just paranoia. Voldemort couldn't be inside Hogwarts, he wasn't allowed. Of course, if he got inside during first year when he rode on Prof. Quirrel's head, anything could happen.  
  
Every whisper  
  
Of every waking hour I'm  
  
Choosing my confessions  
  
Trying to keep an eye on you  
  
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool  
  
Oh no I've said too much  
  
I set it up  
  
'It's so hard,' he thought, 'So hard to keep an eye on him, so hard to have to defeat him every year- I can't take it. I just can't. Everyone expects me to surmount to something that I know I just can't make.'  
  
Consider this Consider this  
  
The hint of the century  
  
Consider this  
  
The slip that brought me  
  
To my knees failed  
  
What if all these fantasies  
  
Come flailing around  
  
Now I've said too much  
  
'Brought me to my knees. Wormtail tied me up and sliced me open. If a weak little rat like him could do that, then what could the most evil, powerful Dark Lord do?' Harry braked his train of thought and paused to observe Ron and Hermione, who were arguing over a chessboard. 'They know. They know what could happen to them. They're the most important people in my life, and Voldemort will most definitely use them as bait. He'll kill them. He'll torture them and kill them. And it's all because I brought them into this.'  
  
I thought that I heard you laughing  
  
I thought that I heard you sing  
  
I think I thought I saw you try  
  
But that was just a dream  
  
That was just a dream  
  
He had been having dreams. Dreams of pain, and fire, and this strange terror that would always overwhelm him. He'd wake up sweaty in the middle of the night, panting like a dragon. But nobody could know. Not even Hermione or Ron, who usually died horrifically every night.  
  
That's me in the corner  
  
That's me in the spotlight  
  
Losing my religion  
  
Trying to keep up with you  
  
And I don't know if I can do it  
  
Oh no I've said too much  
  
I haven't said enough  
  
I thought that I heard you laughing  
  
I thought that I heard you sing  
  
I think I thought I saw you try But that was just a dream Try cry why try  
  
That was just a dream Just a dream, dream  
  
Harry stood up, rubbed his painfully burning scar, and shuffled up the stairs to the boy's dormitory. 


End file.
